For some reason, I am exhausted. Maybe it was the driving to Ontario and back for a grand total of four hours and fifteen minutes yesterday. Maybe it was my workout before that. I went to bed at a reasonable hour. B was up at 5:30 this morning, but I managed to doze off a few times until a more reasonable hour. Maybe it’s emotional exhaustion. That would explain the pressure I feel in my chest.
I want to take today and give it to myself. I had the girls last night. Normally I don’t have them on Friday night but their mom has tickets to a drive-in movie tonight. Tonight was supposed to be my night with them, so we swapped. She might have taken them for both nights since I wasn’t going to be home from Ontario until 7:30, and then I would have them two Saturdays in a row, but she made plans. She showed up hair done and made up but not fully dressed. I wondered what her plans were. I’m always thinking about her. Still.
But today is going to be for me, no matter what. I figured out yesterday that if I outline six chapters a day for Lucky Day then I will be ready for NaNoWriMo come November 1. So today I’ll do a big chunk of that. I am also going to officially sign up for NaNoWriMo. I’ll put that on my list. I’ll also take a break to exercise. I always feel really good after exercising. Maybe I’ll do 30 minutes on the bike today. I also want to read. Reading is a good way to keep the brain charged and stimulated when working on a project. Also, when I’m writing, my senses about writing and word choice and sentence structure and general flow are sharper.
I had tentative plans to go to an art thing and light dinner with friends. It’s not that I don’t want to do that, it’s just that I can’t justify spending any money on anything but groceries for myself and my children. It’s embarrassing. I need to earn more money. I’m about ready to start looking for a new job. Maybe not having money is what’s giving me the pressure in my chest. That’s tied to the emotional thing.
